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how is my story for literature class?
we have to right a seasonal murder story. this is what i have- where dani add more "christmas" stuff, and where can i add more sensory details?
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?Got an I.D. chief?, ?Okay, thanks.? It was 10:30 AM, on December 23rd, when they found the body, found at the Shelby Street boat ramp, on 101 N. Shelby Street in Sandusky, Ohio. The victim was Dusty Donovan, 29 years old, Caucasian male, estimated time of death was 7:30 AM. Was it an accident, or was it murder? Let?s go back a few hours, at 6 AM, to find out how it happened. WHOOSH!
Dusty was waking up at 5:30 like any normal day. He stretched, and went to the kitchen to brew himself a pot of his favorite Slow-Roasted Colombian coffee. He went to go get dressed, in his usual style: a loose, black v-neck shirt and khaki pants with a woven leather belt. He also did his hair, like any normal day, and put on his cologne: Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue for Men. Then Dusty grabbed his coffee in a portable coffee bottle, and left out the door. He went down 2 flights of the stairs of his apartment, and went down to #904, to the home of Josie Mathews Driver. He knocked on the door, firmly. There was no answer. He waited there, impatiently ringing the doorbell and knocking on the cherry-stained wooden door, which had a Christmas wreath with fake birds in it. He waited for 5 minutes, and there was never an answer.
By the time Dusty got to Adelon Beauty Salon, on 1501 Hayes Ave., it was 6:30 am. He stormed i
nto the door angrily, without even donating a penny to the homeless man that was sitting on the bench outside. ?Josie? Josie!? yelled Dusty, making the only customer in the shop, and elderly woman with silver, curly hair stare at him. ?Uhh, can I help you?? asked the front receptionist, a festive-looking blonde in her early 20?s with a miniature santa hat pinned into her hair, named Amanda, wondering why this scruffy man stormed in, yelling for her boss angrily.
?Where?s Josie?? demanded Dusty, with fire raging in his eyes, slamming the receptionist desk so hard that the miniature Christmas tree that was upon it knocked over. ?She?s on her smoking break, outside in the back,? said the quite frightened receptionist, ?would you like to make an appointment??
Dusty, ignoring the blonde receptionist?s question, stormed outside, through the ?Employee?s Only? back door. No one said anything, as they were too scared of such an angry man. No doubt about it, there was a heated argument when
when Dusty found Josie in the back. Although nobody knew what it was about, it soon stopped.
WHOOSH! Its 9:30 AM. ?What is your name sir?? asked the police chief, Margo Hughes, to the homeless bum who had come into the station, claiming he witnessed the murder of Dusty Donovan. ?My name is Noah Mayer? said the Homeless Man. Margo, a 50 year old woman with fiery red hair, cut into a bob style, questioned him about the murder. ?Tell me exactly- what happened?? asked Margo. ?Well, all?s I know is the man, Dusty you say hims is? He come into the shop, he sayin? ?Josie, Josie!? an? Josie, she be in the back, on her break, I been goin? back there to see why they yellin? and I seen it. I seen them both been arguin? bout that they?re havin an affair, an? I seen Dusty tellin? Josie that he gonna fess up, he gonna tell the truth.? Noah took a sip of the hot coffee that was provided for him, in a seasonal decorated red snowflake cup from Starbucks. ?What happened then?? asked Margo.
?Well, tha?s when Dusty, he turned aroun?- cause he jus? wanted to leave, he no wanted no more fightin?. But Josie, she musta been scared Dusty was gonna tell everyone bout that affair, cause she came up behin? him and she kill him!? said Noah, shaking his head in disapproval. ?Noah- you must be more specific- did you see how she killed him?? asked Margo, being as calm and understanding as she can. ?Well, well,? Noah started, struggling to get such a gruesome memory out of his mouth, ?well, I-I-I seen Josie, she tooked one-a them cutt?n shears, the ones she uses at Adelon to cut people?s hair. She, she wen? up behind Dusty- I couldn?t say nothin?, ma?am! I tried to scream, to warn him, but nothin? camed outta my mouth!? Noah started to cry. ?Warn. Him. Of. What?? asked Margo, a bit impatiently. ?Warn him from Josie!? said Noah, slightly raising his voice, ?from her takin? those scissors and goin? and stabbin? that Dusty ?bout 3 times, right in the back of his head there.
No way he coulda? lived that, ma?am! He fell to the ground, didn?t even make none sounds- he just c?lappsed. His coffee, it went er?where. His hands, they flew into the air- an?, an? he just cl?appsed. Then, Josie, she grabbed him by the feet- an? she dragged him. She puttim in the back-a her car, and she taked him someplace. Now I?m sorry ma?am, but I din?t follow her, I been terrified.?
?Oh no no no. Please, you have been so much help to us, Noah, thank you so much. Why don?t you go out to Officer Snyder, he?ll take you out to lunch? said Margo, helping the man up, so he can have his reward. ?Alw?s glad ta help? said Noah, smiling and revealing his rotten teeth.
The police troupe then went to Adelon Beauty Salon, to go investigate. They went to the back of the building, where Noah Mayer claimed he saw Dusty Donovan get murdered. Dani Andropolis, the trainee investigator, a 23 year old brunette woman, took a swab of the very, unnaturally clean concrete floor.
She took it to the portable chemical workup device, and tested it to see just what was on that floor. ?beep, beep beep? said the machine. ?Bleach. Clorox brand if I?m not mistaken? said Dani, as she read the results from the report of the chemical test. ?So, she must have cleaned the area, thinking that it would destroy the evidence,? said Margo, walking over and looking at the chemical workup report over Dani?s shoulder. ?looks like we are going to have to report Josie Mathews Driver as a prime suspect, and a flight risk.
The team then investigated the interior of the salon, and when they questioned the receptionist, Amanda, she told them her account of what she saw. ?That dude, the scruffy one, he like, came in and was all like, freaking out looking for my boss. I guess he was kinda hot, but he was kinda creepy too. He was all yelling and he was kinda rude too. I was like, kinda scared.? ?What did Josie do when she came back in? Hell- when did she come back in?? asked Margo. ?Well?
, answered Amanda ?She must have came in, like 8 to 8:30 ish. It was a long smoking break I?d say. Anyways, she came in, and for some reason, she had a pair of scissors with her. She dropped it in the cleaning solution jar by her station. I like, was going to ask what the hell was going on, but you know, she kinda seemed like, mad.? ?OK thank you Amanda, you helped" said Dani, as she scribbled some notes down on a legal form.
"Hmm... I wonder..." said Dani, so quietly that nobody could hear. She walked over to the station that Amanda pointed out was Josie's. Looking around, and picking up a few objects, Dani opened the cleaning solution jar- a tall, and skinny cylindrical jar that had a blue, strong smelling liquid inside of it. She pulled the lid up, and a small metal cage containing a pair of hair shears, a comb, and a few hair shaving blades. "Hey Lieutenant Hughes, come check this out," she called over to Margo, who walked over to what Dani was pointing out "do you think this
could be the weapon?" she asked. "Hmm," replied Margo, as she slipped white latex gloves onto both hands, "could be, could be... hey whats that?" lieutenant Hughes used a small metal forceps to remove a pale yellow colored, gel-like tissue on the end of the scissors. "It looks like..." she started, "brain matter." After a test in the lab, Margo concluded that it was indeed brain matter.
"Well, looks like you didn't destroy the evidence enough, Josie", said Dani, when they got a warrant and arrested Josie, saying that she would be put in jail for the rest of her life, for murder of Dusty Donovan.
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